Well the final email had arrived! The one that ultimately places me in a semester within the nursing program. Drum roll please! Da-da-da-da-da-da-daaa! It’s Fall…it’s the fall semester. Almost a little anti-climactic, huh? Well, maybe for you, anyways.
For me, it’s a whirlwind of emotion. So much of my time and effort has been spent to get to this very point, this very moment. But since having a child, the whole dynamic of my attendance is altered. I’m excited, yet reserved. Because I’ll be starting in the Fall instead of the Spring, this means I’ll be away from my beautiful baby girl just that much sooner. I knew this was a possibility while awaiting my placement, but now the reality of it is setting in. She’ll be less than a year old with me commuting to school five days a week, with some of those days being away for 13 hours or more. Just the thought of not being able to be there to stare at her consistently, to answer every coo with another silly noise, and return every single darling smile…It twists my heart in a way I never knew possible. I don’t want to leave her…
Deep down, I know this is for the greater good. What I do now will last us a lifetime. I’ll be able to greatly provide for my family, and we won’t ever have to worry about income. We will be able to stop deciding which discount brand of food we want, and instead start planning our yearly family vacations without reservation. Dang, who am I trying to convince here?! The point is, sometimes in order to succeed in life, it takes a little pain and a small amount of grit. You have to get a little dirty, whether that’s in literal sense, or speaking figuratively in the emotional context; for me, becoming a nurse, it’ll be both. Drat.
Leaving my baby is going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. It kills me to think of all the “firsts” I’ll miss out on over the next two years. So let’s not think about that, but if I can find the courage and the strength to part from her, then nursing should be in no way harder. Sometimes in life we have to go out of our way, out of our comfort zone to reach higher ground. I could sit and be melancholy about it all, but honestly, I know I need to dig deep and force myself to be excited about all of this. I need to let my inner light thrive and shine. I deserve this. My baby deserves the best “Me” I can give her, and my partner deserves an equally amazing and supportive team-mate.
All that being said, I am now in preparation mode. (Readers beware, I’m going to start talking about “womanly things”.) I have ordered my nursing scrubs, good shoes, and have now began to pump like crazy in-between feedings! My in-laws were gracious enough to gift my partner with a deep-freeze, which I have now completely taken over. Within the decent sized white ice box lies a family-sized frozen lasagna, and over 250 ounces of breast milk. I am not playing around here! My goal for baby girl is to breast feed her for at least a year. I know what you’re thinking, “At least?”. Hell yeah at least! If I could make it to two years, I would! But I know with me having twelve-hour clinical shifts, chances are, I probably won’t have a lot of time to pump to keep up my supply. It’s time to start stocking up now, building a beautiful bank of liquid gold, before the well runs dry. So that’s why this ant is freezing her now plentiful breast-milk. Get it? …Like the story of the Ant & the Grasshopper? Oh, never mind. (But seriously, I pity anyone who didn’t grow up with Aesop).
So now I have to get up-to-date on all my immunizations, pass a physical, get CPR certified, my mask fitted, attend Nursing Boot Camp, and Orientation. Phew. It’s going to be a busy summer. On top of it all, I’m heading back home to Kaua’i for a week since Grandma (my mother) is going through baby girl withdrawals. But, I understand, I miss her and my sister too. Besides, who says no to a week in Hawai’i?! So stick with me peeps, I’ve got a lot on my plate, and I’m down for the meal! ‘Cause you know what comes after a meal: Dessert! Yeahhh! Okay, I don’t quite know where I’m going with that analogy, maybe I’m trying to summon my inner Aesop. Sorry, Aesop. But my hard work is going to pay off, so either way you should stick around to watch me triumph and cheer me on, or secretly hope this toast burns. My bad, another food analogy. Maybe I’m hungry? Hmmm. Either way, you’re all the fuel to my fire. So…props. Hope to see you all again soon. Peace, I’m out…time to pump again.